A letter to the 21-year old self.

A few days ago, in an attempt to de-clutter my life, I found a letter I’d written at 13 to my 21-year old self. When I found the yellowing envelope, with “Not to be opened till 8th March 2010” scrawled in childish handwriting, I thought all the alcohol and nicotine had finally got to me, and I was officially losing it. I opened it a few days early (sorry 13-year old me!) and I cried a little and laughed a lot, and here is the letter in all of its amazing childishness and I so wish I could meet 13-year old me again, because, man, was she awesome.

Dearest 21-year old Kyra,

Happy Birthday! Wow, today you have become really old. I hope you have done all the things that I wish I could do right now. I have made a list of all the things that I hope you have done by 21 and if you haven’t done it yet, then you’re really dumb.

I hope you’re wearing makeup now. I only get to wear chapstick, which is really boring. So I hope you get to wear lots of makeup now. Not eyeliner and stuff that you put under your eyes though, because that would be really scary.

I hope you had your first kiss. I hope it wasn’t sloppy and wet and disgusting. I also hope that the person you first kissed is the person you are still with and that you are going to marry him. Maybe you are already living together, that would be really cool. I wonder if he is also the first person you had sex with. If he is, then you better marry him.

I hope you are a really good journalist by now. With the BBC. Then you could get paid lots of money and live in really cool places with the boy you first kissed.

I hope you are really cool and glamorous and you have long hair. I have really short hair now and I hate it. So I hope you have long hair that swishes like in the shampoo ads. I hope you do really cool things and you get to go in cabs alone, and get to order drinks in bars and go shopping on your own. Most of all, I hope you are happy and that life at 21 is more interesting than it is at 13.

(Why do I get the feeling that if 13 year old me knew me now, she’d beat the shit out of me? Thank the Lord, she’ll never really know the truth)

Happy Birthday, 21-year old me.


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