Four years ago, you wouldn’t have known me. I left school with plans. Armed with a list of all the things I needed to know and all the things I was going to do. I had planned to be the happiest, most satisfied person I knew. I could tell you exactly who I was and who I was going to be. I knew myself inside out and I knew what I was capable of. I thought I knew it all.
I realize now that plans are worthless. Plans make the fates and that nasty little woman, Destiny chuckle and rub their hands in glee. The only plan you should ever keep in mind, is nothing is ever the way you think it should be, or is going to be, and you’d better be ready to deal. There is little you can ever be sure of. You think rocks are steadfast. They aren’t. They can be broken. I think the fates are lucky little mindfucker’s. They must have such fun up there, watching us little people make our lists and our plans. And believe so whole-heartedly in them. Lists and plans? They don’t exist. That’s what the fates wish we’d get, and they’ll just keep messing with us till we DO get it. As for Destiny? Don’t get me started on her. She’s drop-dead gorgeous, Ill give you that. Curves in all the right places. But in high school, she’d be one of those powerful blondes, who would terrorize the little people just for the fun of it and to prove her power. Who do you think the movie "Mean Girls" was based on? The best thing to do is to ignore her, and go your way and munch your sandwich at the loser table with your iPod and your friends. Its the only way you’ll ever find peace. "Your" destiny is just a cruel blonde inside you who thinks she knows who you should be and what you will do. When she does that, remember all the dumb blonde jokes you’ve ever heard.
There is a choral by Johann Franck that explains it in ways more beautiful. Defy the old dragon. Defy fear. Defy rage. Defy death. I will stand and sing in perfect peace. Things happen. Things I cannot control, things that were never on the list. I had put "watch a movie with my mother" on the list. I did that. Ticked it off. Someone I knew dying for reasons I will never understand was never on the list, but it happened the next day. I had put "become a journalist and go abroad" on the list. I now, cant wait to get the hell out of my mass media course and kiss it goodbye. The thought of going abroad and selling gloves to buy a burger makes me cringe. I don’t know anymore. There is nothing I know. I don’t want to know. I have become a person I never knew I could be. I have survived heartache, loneliness, death, and rejection. I have been selfish, cruel and petty. I have fallen in love and rage. I never knew when these things happened, and because they were never on the list, I kept getting hurt when Destiny (stupid cow) threw it in my face, giggled and flipped her sun-streaked hair when I fell. Things will happen. I will stand in my yellow chappals, in my life and the world will continue to erupt around me. Without plans or lists.
And so, I welcome the burning of lists. And the murder of plans. I will welcome change and surprises and I wont give those horrible fates an inch. Let them find someone else. Im munching my sandwich and listening to my iPod. In perfect peace.
– To that one episode "Shoot the Moon" on that one show, one night. Who knew a TV show could offer such clarity?