I dont like birthdays.
I think the last birthday I actually looked FORWARD to was my 16th.
And the last one that made me go ga-ga with "what a kickass birthday!" was my 17th.
And then I became blah.
I dont remember how exactly it happened, but after copious amounts of chai, we decided that each birthday was a place.
For eg. SS claims that her 20th is Kazakhstan. Yes, she isnt very fond of her 20 years. Anyhoo, 19th birthdays are apparently supposed to be in woo-hoo places. Places where a person would like to spend the last year that "teen" will ever be attached to their age. So, it has been decided that my 19th year is going to be Hawaii. As SS and Hobo have decided (very well too, might I add) my 19th year will be spent on golden sand, in a brightly coloured bikini showing off my tattoo (this is SS’s idea) drinking beer or an exotic cocktail in a coconut with an umbrella. I will spend spend all my time doing "party party party!" Hawaii, it can be agreed on, is a pretty place.
I dont feel like Hawaii.
I dont feel like celebrating another year of feeling blah.
I do feel like eating crispy chicken and drinking beer.
But I want to pretend that its not my birthday.
Im quite sure that would be a fun game to play.
I had written a blog before, about how I woke up on my 18th birthday expecting to feel different.
I was the same. And Im going to wake up on my 19th birthday feeling the same way I did then. My hair is the same. I dress the same. I sound the same. Im even getting the same grades. The only thing different is my tattoo and I cant even really see it properly.
Im going to wake up on my 19th birthday feeling the same way I feel everyday. Except that I dont intend on waking up at 6:30am. Everything is going to be the SAME. And nothing could possibly be more painful.
And not even Hawaii with its umbrella drinks can make it better.