Hi. I’m new to this, so bear with me. You’ve known me for sometime now, but we’ve never really MET. I’m Mappings, if it wasn’t clear enough already to you ding-dong’s. Sorry, sorry. I’m just not very used to being in the social limelight. Feels good. Feels gooood. I know you’re wondering where Kyra is. She’s right there. Sitting in a corner with her blue Starbucks mug complaining about the New Year again. So I yelled at her and said I was going to take over the New Year blog this year. Its tradition, you know. The New Year blog. She prides herself on those damn things. She’s only ever written one with me. The others have been in The Colors and The Complex, and her sister. Such bimbos of blogs they were. Not that I’m being a snob or anything – Ok well maybe. Lets face facts – I’m VERY smart. And articulate too. Not just that, I’m pretty! And extremely modest. But like Kyra and I have discussed before, the only thing good about those blogs was that they connected her to some of the most beautiful friends she had; A fairy godmother, a forever and a plethora of people who were closer than close, ZM & VB in particular.
A lot has happened since the year I was born. I watched struggle and sobs and strength. I saw barriers being broken, I saw traumatizing transitions and changes that meant and made more than anyone will ever know. I’ve seen joy and peace and grief. I’ve felt adorable crazy moods where we talk about being a freaking rainbow and obsessions with soup. There’s little I haven’t felt. Its something I’m proud of, something I’m not afraid of going through over and over again.
Most people talk about resolutions. Resolutions, resolutions. I don’t remember the last time Kyra ever really made resolutions. And if she did, I don’t remember if she ever kept them. Conveniently, however, just a few nights ago, Kyra and I were talking about some of the changes that she needs to make. Now we didn’t intend to have this discussion days before New Year’s – it just happened. And if you don’t believe me, well pah. So two changes. Not big monumental changes, like dyeing her hair green. Its bad enough she decided to leave her hair alone and live with those crazy curls. These are changes that wont be naked to the human eye. Only if you look close enough. Hopefully, now that I’ve told you, you will. People are stupid that way.
1) Kyra is going stop trying to be a perfectionist. And is going to stop trying to arrange her life in perfect bundles. If perfect happens, awesome. If shit happens, well shit DOES happen and we’ll deal. If good happens, well that’s good. Kyra is going to BE. Yes, BE. Profound enough for you?
2) Kyra is going to stop being boring and safe. Yes, we know. The "boring and safe" part had come as a dig intended to hurt. But after much contemplation, we realized that Kyra has a lot of inhibitions. And is wary too often. Its not too healthy. Not for a damn 18-year old. She stops and looks more than just doing. That damn tattoo (which I’m not too fond of, Randomity and I don’t get along. He’s the one she goes to when she has no Internet. Can someone go and scream WIRELESS really loudly in her ear?) has been the only truly free-of-thought thing she’s done in ages. Kyra is going to follow a no-inhibitions policy. Yes, NO inhibitions. With barriers of course. This is to pacify her crazy mother. We don’t expect her to go dancing naked in the rain now do we? She does too much dancing around in the rain and other public places like a CRAZY person already. I do NOT approve of such behavior. Yeah, so no inhibitions. Lets move on.
I think Kyra is happier at the end of this year than the last. Kyra’s one of those people. She doesn’t expect people to catch her when she falls. Hell, she doesn’t WANT people to do it. But she likes to know that there are people behind her. People who have her back. Last year she felt, well – backless. This year, she feels full. And what’s awesome is, she feels full of good and bad things – which balances everything out. And makes it perfect and fuzzy. Without her even trying. She feels overwhelming sadness, she feels great joy, she feels crippling grief and she feels peace. Sometimes I really think that girl is not human. Let me rephrase that. She is a un-human like WOMAN. Not girl. She has grown up.
In one aspect, Kyra and I have been hypocrites. When I was born, we both swore there’d be no dedications. We digressed. BUT. These dedications aren’t FOR the people we dedicate them too. They’re for us. An outlet for how grateful and hateful and loveful and thankful we are.
To the "backs" – First, the ones who have been around the longest (and three of the coolest, in my opinion. No offence, I’ve just written about them most): Sairandhri Raut (My favourite and Kyra’s SS), Aamir Khan & Suyash Barve. Secondly, the newest additions to the "backs": Harendra "Harry, Kyra’s hobo" Kapur, Riya "Mrs Robinson" Kartha, Shona Dias & Akshat Joshi. Thirdly, to the "backs" who left and came back: Chirmi Krishna and Vikram Shah. Fourthly, the oldest "backs" of Kyra’s life: Diya Chow-Chow and Isha Upadhyay. Saving the most important for last: Mommy Mathews and Daddy Mathews. They know why.
To the first and wonderfullest backs Kyra had in Bombay, the Bandra backs who I mentioned earlier. You guys warrant a whole section of dedications to yourself. You represent the happiest, craziest, no-inhibitionist parts of Kyra’s life. No. With you, she is Kyri. Something she never forgets. Here’s to everything and nothing and so many things that you only you guys and Kyra will understand. Here’s to being grateful and loveful and hateful and beyond everything – thankful.
And here’s to the same way we ended last years dedications: To 2007. How we both loved and hated you. Your familiarity is a friend, and it hurts to let you go. Lets hope 2008 is all it has in its power to be.
Lastly, to Kyra Mathews: The crazy woman who gave me life. And my best friend.