Im home. Which means im the laziest Ive ever been. I lie in bed all day, eating salami sandwiches and reading "Girls of Riyadh" and there seems something fundamentally wrong about eating salami and reading about Saudi Arabia. Then I realise Im in Abu Dhabi. Whack on head. And munch with a vengeance.
Considering all I do is lie in bed, I have a lot of time to think about things.
Unfortunately, BMM and the IV have deteriorated my mind so much, they arent very worthwhile things.
They go something like this.
1) I have big feet. I like my big feet. Big feet are comforting.
2) Ad or Journo, ad or journo, ad or journo?
3) Pumpkin needs to die. But I like Pumpkin. No, he’s NM! ARGH!
3) Cornflakes is crunchier than oatmeal. Am I in a crunchy mood or in a mushy mood?
4) I miss Haley (my old phone that has fallen off trains and buses and stairs) Miss Blaise (the new phone named after Modesty Blaise-if you dont know
who that is I will kill you) is too sleek and shiny. Shes rather…smug.
5) I should really get over my fear of flossing. Its ridiculous for an 18 year old to be afraid of…Ok, no. It IS scary.
6) My yellow chappals dont look so yellow anymore. Theyre more…ochre. The magic is in the yellow-ness which means theyre just ordinary chappals now. Poor ole chappals.
7) I want to build a house in the Himalayas and spend all my years there writing a book. If my Dad reads this, he WILL hit me. And NO, I want to do it NOW, not when im FIFTY! For crying out loud.
8) I want to celebrate Christmas. With all the twinkly lights and the cards and the carols and the presents. And I dont need you telling me that Xmas is sometime away!
9) I have big hands. I dont like my big hands. Big hands are not comforting. Theyre…scary.
10) UK or India, UK or India, UK or India?
11) I want to skip my next birthday. 19 isnt a very symmetrical number.
Its somewhere here that I stop to rummage for my yellow box of tissues and i sniffle and sneeze feeling very sorry for myself.
I have a cold
And my ears pop
And my throat is like – what the hell is that – The Itchy and Scratchy Show? Is that it?
Oh yea, and during the IV, I fell in cacti. Which my mother finds very amusing.
But Im better than Karishma, who started crying when SHE fell in cacti.
Pfft. Even we cacti-fallers have standards.
Im going back to bed now.
Only now, ive finished Girls of Riyadh and Ive started ‘The Body Farm’.
Which is about a serial rapist and a morgue-type place where ‘they’ dissect rape victims.
Blame it on the antibiotics.