pumpkin

Joy is a relative term. Its very – bouncy. Its here, its there, its on my head, its next to my toes. And sometimes i never see it all.
 
These days joy is more solid. I see it clearly. It has a shape.
Its a pumpkin. Its melted chocolate ice-cream.
Its a faux run in the park. Its snatches of conversation.
Its the squirminess I feel.
Its an overflow of things no-one will understand.
 
I spent two years of my life waiting. For a possibility of forever.
Now I realise that forever is more relative and transitory than joy.
Forever is rare.
Forever happens when you stop looking. And waiting.
What did that waiting for a forever lead to? Nothing.
I dont look for forever anymore.
It may happen, it may not.
But it isnt worth waiting for.
 
Joy is more attainable.
Its something I can touch and feel.
Its the way I cant keep still.
And the way I can never decide what to wear anymore.
And how Ive made a weary peace with my hateful curls.
And how I get squirmy and my cheeks go pink and red
And sometimes orange.
Its the way I never know what to do with my hands
Theyre always moving
Its how Ive started running. And walking.
When sleep used to be my exercise of choice.
And how Im smiling at the most random of things
And writing about pumpkins all the time
 
To Pumpkin aka NM
 
"Pumpkins and conversations. Waiting in the rain. Smashing pumpkins. And liking them so much I could burst. A new kind of yay.
On the edge. Looking everywhere. The sweetest thing. Under the bench. Fluttering. Too much energy.
Warm skin. A touch, a kiss. A broken finger. Honey & the moon. Chaos inside.
Heart on paper. Manic movement. Wonderful smells"
– RANDOMITY (The 3rd version in the Culture Studies Sec)
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6 thoughts on “pumpkin

  1. Forever happens when you stop looking. And waiting. Yep. I know all about that. It\’s true. Forever happens when you stop waiting for it. When you stop looking around every corner hoping to bump into it. It happens when you least expect it, but that is what makes it beautiful. That it came from nowhere you know, nowhere you recognise, from a place completely unknown. I don\’t know what your forever means. And what you look for when you use the word. But I met mine when I wasn\’t looking [winks:)], and I don\’t know what happened and how, but it did. And if I was looking for it, I wouldn\’t be surprised, and so happy to be so surprised. I doubt I\’m making sense. Except, of course, to my warped self. hehe.But you\’re wrong about one thing.Forever is worth waiting for. Whatever kind, and however late it is in coming. If it\’s a true forever, it\’s something you will never regret even when you look back at how it dropped in. Then again, I still don\’t know what your forever means. But oh well. You\’re a smart girl, you\’ll know what I mean.You will write a book someday. I can see it. It\’s a gift, woman, use it. I\’ll buy a signed copy, thank you very much.And \’hateful curls\’? What \’hateful curls\’? Prettiest ones I ever saw.Riyap.s.- Oh and if you decide to delete this philosophical and confusing comment, I will understand. hehe. It\’s like a bloody post.

  2. Riya – YOUR forever is exactly the kind Im looking and waiting for. Your forever is the kind of forever I envy 😀
             and you\’d never to buy a signed copy. you\’ll find a signed personalised copy on your doorstep 😀 if it ever happens. sigh.
     
    Darius – thank you 😀
     
     

  3. It\’s about expectations. \’Forever\’ is only beautiful because it defies all expectations and the need for them. When you don\’t expect you don\’t get disappointed. You deserve to expect but none of us should because it can always hurt. You\’ll find forever, or \’boring\’ as i like to call it and it\’ll be beautiful. Just stop expecting…\’and something beautiful will come your way\’ ! maybe it\’s pumpkin, maybe it\’s not. it doesn\’t matter. The money will come!
     

  4. Just in case it  wasn\’t clear.I am a comment whore. I like giving them, but not nearly as much as I like receiving them 🙂 *hint hint*Wait…you\’re in Pondicherry. My bad.Keep drinking, sorry I disturbed…

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