Joy is a relative term. Its very – bouncy. Its here, its there, its on my head, its next to my toes. And sometimes i never see it all.
These days joy is more solid. I see it clearly. It has a shape.
Its a pumpkin. Its melted chocolate ice-cream.
Its a faux run in the park. Its snatches of conversation.
Its the squirminess I feel.
Its an overflow of things no-one will understand.
I spent two years of my life waiting. For a possibility of forever.
Now I realise that forever is more relative and transitory than joy.
Forever is rare.
Forever happens when you stop looking. And waiting.
What did that waiting for a forever lead to? Nothing.
I dont look for forever anymore.
It may happen, it may not.
But it isnt worth waiting for.
Joy is more attainable.
Its something I can touch and feel.
Its the way I cant keep still.
And the way I can never decide what to wear anymore.
And how Ive made a weary peace with my hateful curls.
And how I get squirmy and my cheeks go pink and red
And sometimes orange.
Its the way I never know what to do with my hands
Theyre always moving
Its how Ive started running. And walking.
When sleep used to be my exercise of choice.
And how Im smiling at the most random of things
And writing about pumpkins all the time
To Pumpkin aka NM
"Pumpkins and conversations. Waiting in the rain. Smashing pumpkins. And liking them so much I could burst. A new kind of yay.
On the edge. Looking everywhere. The sweetest thing. Under the bench. Fluttering. Too much energy.
Warm skin. A touch, a kiss. A broken finger. Honey & the moon. Chaos inside.
Heart on paper. Manic movement. Wonderful smells"
– RANDOMITY (The 3rd version in the Culture Studies Sec)